Little white dress

We all have a little black dress, something we can throw on with a multitude of different scarves and suddenly look classy and put together. It’s the perfect way to effortless because let’s be honest, when you wear it, you usually put very little effort into it. You more hope for the best.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if we actually did try and do things effortlessly for our wedding? Please. People try and make weddings look effortless but let’s call a spade a spade – weddings take effort. And if not effort, then you spent a lot of money paying someone else to put in effort.

And so if weddings were effortless, would you even bother to get a new dress? Throw a dinner? Even tell people? Because all that, technically, takes effort. There is no such thing as an effortless weddings because marriages take effort. And that’s the point of a wedding – to celebrate the decision to put a lifetime of effort towards someone else’s wants, dreams, goals, and clean, folded laundry.

I believe, the key to making a wedding look a little more effortless is the incorporation of colour into your outfit. When on earth would you leave the house entirely in white, other than for your wedding?

If I could make things look like they were effortless, here’s what I might try and pull off.

            

Lace Anthropologie dress with a black bow belt, combined with this adorable Anthropologie necklace and J.Crew pearl drop earrings, you get a triple dose of “Oh, I just showed up, what’s happening here?”. Slap on a nice  military green wedge pump from Cole Haan (complete with Nike Air sole).

 

 

Here is a bit of more straightforward dress from Asos (which occasionally carries Issa London, Kate Middleton’s favourite designer) matched with a necklace and bracelet from another British shopping website, TopShop. I would bottom it off with a high heel, high boot – this back zip boot from Frye would most certainly do the trick.

Mos def these websites are great for creating outfits, because you get a range of styles and designers in one place. However, you are paying for shipping and sometimes, website don’t ship to Canada. For those of us near the Canada – US border, ship it to a small town nearest to your home, and drive over and get it. There are some locally owned shipping depots that will sign for anything and then you come pick it up when you can.

Eff Bomb Crafting: Nothing to do with le wedding, everything to do with string art!

As I was Stumbling along through the internet the other night, I came across this fantastic little post about string mural art – ingenious! Using just string, you can do an entire mural on your wall and all you are sacrificing are a few small holes as opposed to attempting to paint and/or wall paper and putting your artistic ego at risk.
The Cpt does NOT like holes in the walls, especially for experimental purposes. The trick was to ask him if he would mind when he wasn’t paying attention and then complete the craft while he wasn’t home.
Enjoy!




Tools:

• Yarn, the colour of your choice. But have a lot of it!
• Thumb tacks – clear is best or the a colour that matches your yarn. And lots of them – over 100 to be safe.

Step 1
Have an idea in your mind of what you want your project to look like. You can do a mental drawing, a physical sketch on a piece of paper or for those of you who are taking this seriously or putting it in a prominent place in your home, sketch it out on the wall.
Step 2
Outline your sketch with tacks, the more the better. The reason that more is more is because it gives you more angles to thread the yarn, and will fill in your mural thoroughly. You’ll see.
Step 3
Start threading. I would sometimes wrap the yarn around the tack, a one loop, or sometimes I would just rest it against the tack to get an angle. Depends. If you do a lot of tack wrapping, then in some central locations, you will probably need two or three tacks to accomodate all the yarn.
Hard to explain, easy to do. Good luck!

Superstitions 8: Rice and exploding birds.

The last of the wedding traditions stemming from bizarro things in the past. I’m going to miss Jenn and her hilarity. To thank her for lending her words to us, please read all of her other articles and write emails to her editors about how amazing she is. And Jenn, please email me your address so I can send you your STD in due course, of course :)
This might be the funniest of the diddy’s in the article.
Jenn sez…

Throwing Rice
Pelting newlyweds with uncooked starchy vegetables is a time-honored tradition meant to shower the new couple with prosperity, fertility and, of course, good fortune. Oats, grains and dried corn were also used before rice rose to the top as the preferred symbolic sprinkle. Rice lost its popularity when it became widely rumored that if birds ate the rice, it would expand in their stomach and kill them. This is decidedly untrue, as is evidenced by the fact that birds eat dried rice and corn and other dehydrated vegetables and grains from fields all the time and we have yet to see any mention of a national, exploding-bird epidemic running on the CNN news ticker.
Rice can be a hazard to guests, who can lose their footing on rice covered pavement and take a nasty spill. Turns out, even rice alternatives have their drawbacks. Two Texas women were badly injured at a wedding in May 2008 while trying to light celebratory sparklers to send off the bride and groom. The group of sparklers ignited all at once and exploded, burning one woman’s face and both of their arms. One guest at a Russian wedding in Chechnya last March decided to buck tradition altogether and threw an armed hand grenade into the unsuspecting crowd, injuring a dozen people.

We’re throwing dehydrated vegetables at my wedding. Heh. Although I am using sparklers at my wedding…it can be like playing short sticks. Someone is going to pull the short stick – the exploding sparkler!!!

I dreamed a dream

The other night, I had a wedding dream, a bridal dream. I dreamed about a wedding dress. Can I say it was my wedding dress? No.  But I dreamed about a flattering, fitted dress that flared out at the bottom in beautiful, buttercream icing layers. It was very much a white dress – like diamond white or  whitest white or ice white or something.

At first, I thought maybe that was me dreaming of the wedding dress that I should be looking for. The shape and style are what I am after, but  other parts of the dress, like the colour and the relative simplicity are not what I have been looking at. I hummed and hawed at it – should I start looking for the dress from my dreams or was my subconscious just being sassy and excited?

Then today, it hit me. Back in university, Julie O. worked at a used record shop. And at one point in time, the used record shop also sold used books. I got some pretty interesting books from there, including a few dream dictionaries. I’m not saying that I subscribe to the idea that dreams foretell the future, not 100% but by no means do I write that stuff off. I don’t tempt fate like that.

The first book, The Dictionary of Dreams by Gustavus Hindman Miller says this

For a young woman to dream she is a bride foretells she will shortly come into an inheritance which will please her greatly.

Okay, I like it! That’s what I’m talking about.

The second book, Coles Dream Guide by Ned Ballantyne and Stella Coeli (which is out of print, btw. Makes me wonder if my copy is now worth twice what I paid)

If a young woman dreams of being a bride, she will inherit money, particularly if she is in a happy frame of mind while dressing for the wedding.

Now, this one is especially interesting because although I don’t remember everything about my dream, I remember it being before the wedding, when I was dressed and everyone was admiring my dress. I remember smiling and being really happy and feeling excited – so I was CLEARLY in a happy frame of mind.
The third book, Dreams: Hidden Meanings and Secrets (which is currently retailing for $4.89 Canadian, which is probably half of what I fuggin paid for it), says almost exactly the same thing as the second book, give or a take a comma (which is probably why it’s so cheap – just ripped off other dream books).
So although these are excellent, excellent readings into that particular dream, now I begin to wonder where is this inheritance coming from. As in, where is this inheritance coming from? Unless I can be flexible with the exact meaning of inheritance, then maybe I don’t want it.

Well, colour me tan

I have a lot of wonderful memories from my youth – the days when I was living my dreams and travelling around Canada and the US playing fastpitch. I made a lot of friends, played very few innings, saw a lot of cities. But there are a few moments that really stand out to me and one of them is the time we were driving  by a strip mall and I noticed a tanning salon called Colour Me Tan. Of course I did and of all those years, what do I remember? I remember Colour Me Tan.

Today’s postie is about something rather important that has been swimming around my mind for a while – our colour scheme. The overarching scheme for the scheme is opalescent. I love’em and it all started with this photo from Martha Stewart Weddings.



I love the dusty rose, the burnt orange and bronze and the lavender. But as time goes on, your colour wheel adjusts itself. You are inspired by new things, new people, new trends, new songs, new sites.

Life goes on after you’ve picked your colour scheme.

My bridesmaid dresses have been picked and they are a colour similar the lavender above, which I am thrilled about. The dusty rose and burnt bronze are in our tea dyed coffee filter POA – where exactly they’ll fit is indescribable at this point. As in – they’re everywhere right now, including my shoes. Glued to my shoes! :)
Here are some ideas of colour schemes I would like some opinions on. I putting up a straw poll, please vote at the bottom or suggest your own combinations of the colours below.

1. 

2. 

3. 

4.

Which colour combination should I use for my wedding colours?

1 - Peach, Lavender, Mocha and Irish Cream2 - Spring Green, Lavender, Butternut Squash and Irish Cream3 - Dusty Rose, Soft Pink, Ocher and Coffee4 - Dusty Rose, Deep Lavender, Deep Teal and Irish Cream5 - New combo of colours from above?

pollcode.com free polls

You may have noticed that today I am famous

 

Of course you have, after all, I’m famous! I wish I could embed the entire article into my blog but I don’t know how.

So here is the link to Metro Calgary’s Five Minutes with Alix Woods

mwuah!

Give It: BIG bows

I love ribbons and bows. I just do, I love them in my hair, around my waist, on my wrists and as necklaces, everywhere. I’m thankful that the rest of the bridal world is on board with me.

In the big wide world of weddings, inspiration boards rein as the medium of choice to help describe a style and convey the essence of an idea, which is something that words can not describe. A number of blogs lay claim to creating the inspiration board, but I think Picasa did. I don’t know who came up with the idea, but I like’em and so here is my go at an inspiration board of bows for weddings.

1. Justin Alexander Bridal dress, love the off the shoulder bow. Highlights the collar bone, non? Why why why can’t I find the link?

2. Justin Alexander Bridal dress 8466 – big sash, different colour, brings the eye right to the waist and makes the body look long even with such a big skirt.

3. David’s Bridal dress T3039 – bow belt! Just right, a good size empire waist line bow. Parfait.

4.Bow bracelet by Ginny D Jewellery, out of the UK – nice link bracelet that smells a little of Tiffany & Co without that silly price tag

5. Liberty in Love birdcage veil with bow (hair comb) – I love hair combs, my hair has the right texture to hold them quite firmly. What’s nice is that the comb and the bow force the veil to become a hair piece, not just lace sitting on your head.

6. Kate Spade bow necklace – a brush gold bow. I am mainly partial to Kate Spade because makes this fantastic wedge heel that apparently all the young, powerhouse women in New York and Washington wear. Of course that’s why I like her.

7. Cute, simple, straight forward Amelie heels. No one really sees your shoes unless you sport a short dress, so why not get something simple with a reasonable size heel.

8. Forever21 bow bobby pin! Need I say more? Comes in 4 colours and even if you just use it to hold the pleats on the pants you’re ironing to wear on the plane ride to your fantastic honey moon location, it’s adorable. :)

Passing the Engagement Gift to it’s new home

You may remember a few months back when Nikki and Niall gave Lowell and I our lovely engagement gift. The ornament is passed along when sets of friends get engaged. I have decided the engagement gift represents laughter, and that’s what it brings to a couple. That’s one thing the Cpt and I may have an overload of. Him at me, me at him, y’know.

But just last week, we had the honour of passing along the Engagement Gift to Scott and Andrea, who were engaged this summer and have just set their wedding date for June 4, 2011.

As much as I loved those little mice and loved the entire notion of the gift, it is always fun to pass along treasures like this.

In case you forgot how much of an impact these two little guys made on my life, refresh yourself with the photo shoot I did with them. *sniff*

Andrea and Scott with their new giftie 

The Cpt and I say goodbye to my friends – bye!

Kathryn and Morgan, previous keepers of these special little guys

Emergency Post: O.b.s.e.s.s.e.d.

I mean it. I’m serious. I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT.

I love her – she is adorable. I love how she keeps sneaking looks at her ring, I love how she keeps having to stiffle her grin, her giddiness. She has clearly been giggling for the last three weeks. She is doing everything that I think I did when the Cpt and I first got engaged. You can’t believe it’s true, it sounds ridiculous in your head and that’s why you keep laughing and you keep checking that ring to shock you back to reality – I LOVE IT.

She is just like every other newly engaged bride – people ask how you feel, you don’t even know! You’re too happy – you don’t know what’s to come, what the future will hold, how you feel about the wedding, all you know is that you are in the middle of a tidal wave of happy. 

I love him – he keeps giving her a hard time, keeps aw schucks-ing, keeps looking at her. He’s kind of a shit, arrogant. Love it. Teases about how lucky she is, how she had posters of him all over her wall growing up, teases about how she loves how funny he is *EYEROLL* Gives him a pass that he’s loosing his hair. Plus he’s a prince so that’s a pass too.

I love THEM. They keep sneaking glances at each other and smiling, a few times in the interview they are re-telling stories and start speaking in first person “you” and “i” as opposed to “William” and “Kate”. So natural and so unguarded, it’s as if they’re sitting on the couch, re-telling the stories for their aunties and uncles back home. So comfortable, so genuine, so happy – !

That ring, holy hell. It’s not like I thought the crown jewels would be something to scoff at but that is an eye catcher. Love it. I don’t love Jessica Simpson ruby engagement ring, I prefer diamonds. But that ring is STUNNING. I love how her dress matches that ring, OH she’s too smart. She’s always been a sharp dresser but this whole Royalty business is going to put her in a whole new spot light.

Also I want her hair cut. I’m not kidding. I am now growing my hair out so I can get that hair cut. It’s almost there.

 

Eff Bomb Crafting: Coffee Filter aisle wreaths

Note: This craft has potential to be translated to a Christmas craft. :) 
There has been some big breakthroughs in coffee filter crafting this week, including better ways to dye the coffee filters, dry them and best of all – more ways to actually use them.

This week’s craft was inspired by (i.e. ripped from) Martha Stewart Weddings, who posted this very cute DIY paper wreath, made from fabric and tissue paper. Of course, wherever there is tissue paper, coffee filters are not far to be found.

For the Cpt’s little brother’s wedding last fall, they used blue ties from the store, which was a nice touch. I asked the Cpt if he wanted to do something like that and to my surprise he said “No – it’s already been done before.” I am clearly rubbing off in all the right ways.


Here is the – a coffee filter wreath to decorate your aisle!
Tools:

• tea dyed coffee filters and tea dyed cup cake cups (colour of your choice, der)
• piece of heavier pound paper, preferably white or cream
• glue gun or tacky glue
• crafting knife or blade
• pencil
• pot lid
• yarn or ribbon (not pictured)
• spray glue (not pictured and optional)

Step 1

Trace the outline of the pot lid on your paper. This will be the size of your wreath.

Next, take a smaller pot lid and trace a second circle within the first larger circle. 








Step 2
Cut out the stencil of the wreath using your crafting knife. Clearly, these circles aren`t perfect and neither is this blog.
 




Step 3

Fold your larger coffee filters into blooms and make sure they have a nice flat part at the bottom. It is better for gluing. Then, start gluing them on to the stencil!

I like to pick one colour of blooms, which I might have less of, to be my accent colour. Then I glue about five or six on to the stencil, rather sporadically, and fill in the rest of the wreath with my base colour. In this case, the pink and rose are my accent colours and the brown is  my base colour.







Step 4
Obv, fill in the wreath with the coffee filter blooms.

Once you have it all filled in, you might notice there are small gaps. You can fix those one of two ways. 

1. You can take the cup cake cup blooms and glue them on to fill it in with some colour. They are smaller and will fit into the gaps without making your wreath look cluttered.

2. You can take the petals of your blooms and glue them together, to fill in the gaps between the coffee filters. Just a dot of glue on one bloom and then pinch it together with the bloom beside it. And you`ll burn your fingers if you`re using hot glue, so after about the sixth time, I went and got one of my clothes pins and pinched them together using that.

I used the small blooms to cover over any part of the stencil that was still showing in the centre of the wreath and then glued the petals together for any gaps between flowers.




Step 5
Spray glue the wreath. I like to do this because it gives it a stiff, more sturdy feeling and it secures the blooms to each other, so they are less likely fall off or fall apart. As with anyone DIY project, the more you can make sure things are actually stuck on, the better luck you will have.


Step 6
Attach your ribbon or yarn to the back of the wreath. I did a small loop (the yarn was probably 30 cm long) for the top, to hang down off the chair. I then attached a small piece of yarn to the bottom, so it can be tied down near the seat of the chair. If you are getting married somewhere where there are pews, you probably don`t need the second piece of yarn. 

          

Voila! Attach to a chair in your home and see how you like it. You can fiddle around with sizes of wreath and different ways to accent it. In the Martha Steward piece, they used baubles and probably unicorn glitter to jazz it up a bit.

  Here is it, looking just beautiful beside my glamorous desk.

All in all, this took me about 20 – 25 minutes but that was with the help of the Captain, who folded the blooms while he watched hockey highlights. It`s an easy one, an inexpensive one and by golly,  a pretty one.
MWUAH!

Superstition 7: Leftovers? Really?? Get over it.

Good old Jenn Grabenstetter. She talks keeping the cake in the freezer for a year. Lucky!
Jenn sez…

Refusing to Throw Away the Leftovers
This leads to another sweet, delicious, buttercream-iced mystery to be solved: Why do couples eat freezer-burned wedding cake on their one-year anniversary? To answer this, we must look to the lyrics of a schoolyard classic: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage! It used to be assumed that when there was a wedding, a christening would follow shortly. So, rather than bake two cakes for the occasions, they’d just bake one big one and save a part of it to be eaten at a later date when the squealing bundle of joy arrived. Eventually folks warmed to the idea of giving the poor kid his own, newly baked cake, but the custom of saving a portion of the wedding cake far longer than it should be saved and then eating it and deluding oneself to believe that it actually tastes good is one that persists to this day.

Okay I would freeze the cake because I would eat the cake for weeks and weeks after the wedding, ESPECIALLY IF IT’S COCONUT. At Aaron and Sarah’s wedding last year – they had all these left over cupcakes. I should have taken all of them, frozen them and served them as desert at dinner parties for the next six months. Delicious. I guess it would be awkward if someone came over and was like “Is this a cupcake from Aaron and Sarah’s wedding…?” I’d be like  “,….is that weird?” Yeah, maybe my idea is weird.

Brrrrrr: Keeping yourself from becoming your something blue

As November crawls in and gives an icy stare right in the eyes, I can’t help thinking about all the brides who are brave enough to have winter weddings. An Alberta winter wedding. Why not just get married in Siberia.

Last year, we went to a lovely October wedding in Kelowna and even that was beyond freezing. The bride, Jody, looked beautiful and smart, as she wore a fur shrug over her bare shoulders to keep herself from becoming her something blue. I was her something blue instead.

Can you imagine – braving the photos? No thank you. I think a winter wedding would be stunning if you had a nice enough location that had some beautiful indoor business where you could have your photos done but I am way too much of a complainer to have outdoor photos in the middle of winter.

So you have your winter wedding and you decide you want to do outdoor photos. What if you can’t find a shawl or cover up that suits your fancy, and that works with your dress and that doesn’t make you feel like a frump?

I feel as though – I would have a hard time picking one out. Because they would all make me feel like I was a Lord of the Rings bride – or some other beautiful maiden in a made up land where the potential to be eaten by a troll was always looming. Or that I should be riding up to le wedding in a horse drawn carriage, rolling my eyes at myself the entire way.

Here are some nice examples of what a bridal cover up might look like – thank Rod I don’t need one.

My LOTR wedding (Emma, this is for you!)

 

It’s not that they aren’t beautiful – you almost have to think of like “Would I wear it to work if it was black?” but then that’s pointless, because I’m wearing it in white to my wedding. 

At least they come anitquey looking

Superstitions 6: Le cake.

Jenn Grabenstetter’s article on wedding traditions now takes us to a tastier portion of our evening. Ahhhhhthankyou!
Jenn sez…

The Wedding Cake
We have to believe that there was a time, somewhere in history, when the whole, “Will they/won’t they smash cake in each other’s faces!” scenario was actually clever and original (even if we couldn’t find any evidence of it). What we did find was the granddaddy predecessor to cake-face-smashing: the breaking of baked goods over the bride’s head. Customarily, the groom would gnaw off a bite of barley bread and then the remainder of the loaf was held above the newlywed bride’s head and then broken, showering her with crumbs and a soul-crushing message of her husband’s male dominance. Guests would then scramble to pick up any wayward crumbs off the floor as they were said to bring good…wait for it… luck!
This tradition evolved as cake emerged as the preferred confection for wedding celebrations. Fortunately for the bride, a whole cake doesn’t break in two quite as dramatically as a loaf of bread and so it was sliced on a table instead. Rather than scrounge for lucky crumbs on the floor, guests would stand in line while the bride passed tiny, fortune-blessed morsels of cake through her own wedding ring into the hands of the waiting masses. This act also fell by the wayside, as we can only assume the bride determined that it was a lousy waste of her time. Thus began the tradition of giving out whole slices of cake to each guest, not to be eaten, but to be placed under their pillow at night for (yup, here it is again) good luck and, for the ladies, sweet dreams of their future husbands.

I have no problem blessing everyone’s cake pieces, even though I can’t guarantee we are having cake. In fact, I’d be flattered to bless your cake! But – here is my thing. Why oh why oh why why why would you want to put a piece of cake under your pillow instead of eating it. Cake (especially coconut flavoured) is dericious and icing on your pillowcase is a messy nightmare. Unless it’s that hard dufont or whatever stuff. Then it will probably retain it’s original shape.
And on ANOTHER note – why oh why why why would you want to dream about your future husband. You clearly only have a few precious days/weeks/months/years of quiet time before you are saddled with him - permanently. He is going to be at your hip for the rest of your life – you don’t need to dream of him before you’ve even met him. UGH get out of our HEADS PLEASE!

Eff Bomb Crafting: Nothing to do with the wedding, everything to do with my iPhone

Warning: This post may give you the urge to buy a used bicycle on kijiiji, attach a cup holder to the handle bars and go sketch clouds in the park drinking a fair trade americano (barf).


I haven’t done much crafting lately – would you believe me if I said I have been busy? Okay I have been and also – I haven’t been feeling all that inspired. These things come in waves.

This weekend past, I came across this little diddy in one of my StumbleUpon adventures. It’s an article about things you can do with your old books that you don’t read anymore. I LOVE IT. Reclaiming things so that they work better with my newer, better things!!!

Back in the summer, Jazzy and I tried to make some notebooks using the covers of antique books. That did not turn out as well as I had hoped, mainly due to the LACK of sizes of coil bound notebooks on the market. But never the less, this list has 9 whole new ways of re-using your old books.

I use the antiquey looking books because part of me is still uber hipster (but real deal hipster, not trendy hipster). I am not going to go through my steps because a) this article tells you how to do it anyways and b) this took me two and a half hours, it was way harder than I thought, I got glue all over my hands (even tho nowhere in the instructions does it call for GLUE) and I came out very hungry.

I bought my book at Fair’s Fair in Inglewood (a store I highly recommend for ALL books) and I got my washi tape from my friends at Oymiage, which I already had… so all in all, the book cost me $9 and I would say all the other craft supplies I already had, this being one of hundreds of crafts I’ve used them for, making a per craft cost probs around 5 cents. So under $10.

I picked a book about the same size as my iPhone – no, I have no interest in Warren Hasting.

 

I cut out of the middle of the pages, and cut out little slots on both ends for my headphones and my charger.

         

I held the pages together with some washi tape, mainly because I don’t mind how it looks and because I would rather the pages stayed together and were uniform. Good old WASHI tape, I love it.

Look at me! I’m texting from a book! 

It’s kind of fun- good luck and let me know how it goes for you! 

Superstitions 5: One liners.

Jenn Grabenstetter’s article on wedding traditions now takes us to that little piece of rhyming advice that is kind of hard to fulfill.
Jenn sez…

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue (and a Sixpence in My Shoe?)
A common theme that you’ve no doubt noticed throughout this post: humans used to be a superstitious bunch. This rhyming phrase neatly lists a number of English customs dating back to the Victorian age which, when worn in combination, should bring the bride oodles of fabulous good luck. The something old was meant to tie the bride to her family and her past, while the something new represented her new life as the property of a new family. The item borrowed was supposed to be taken from someone who was already a successfully married wife, so as to pass on a bit of her good fortune to the new bride. The color blue (Virgin Mary-approved!) stood for all sorts of super fun things like faithfulness, loyalty, and purity. The sixpence, of course, was meant to bring the bride and her new groom actual, cold, hard fortune. Just in case that wasn’t enough, brides of yore also carried bunches of herbs (which most brides now replace with expensive, out-of-season peonies) to ward off evil spirits.

I mean – it’s doable. Brides every day find ways to work these things into their wedding day attire. I probably could too – something old, sure. But how old is old? Like a month old? To tie me to my family – like my cell phone bill?
I will say though – I do rather like the idea of a bunch of herbs for a bouquet! That certainly lowers cost, now doesn’t it?? I bet I could grow the herbs for my bouquet and my bridesmaids bouquets!! Now THAT is a plan. Suggetions on appropriately smelling herbs? Mint? Rosemary? Lavendar? No. PS did you know that potatos are a herb? And they are good for warts and burns.

It just doesn’t get any better than this.

Club Soda Music and the Coffee Filter Bride present

Many of you may have noticed lately that I’ve been noodling around, being rather obscure about le blog and what is going to be upcoming. Well – it’s because I had a big surprise to reveal to everyone  – a JINGLE!

Thanks to the hard work and patience of my wonderful, most charming friend Christopher Duthie, I now have my very own jingle for my blog. I feel it is not only catchy, but truly reflects my blog and it’s purpose.

Doing this jingle was hard work – it took two full days. One day of writing establishing the music and melody and then writing the lyrics and then a second day of re-cutting.

I hope you listen, find it catchy and enjoy it! MWUAH!

Superstitions 4: I’m not tossing my underwear. Period. (Not because of that, tho) (ew bad joke :)

 

We are heading back to revisit Jenn Grabenstetter’s article on wedding traditions stemming from bizarre superstitions ect.

Jenn sez…

This pair of rituals has long been the scourge of the modern wedding guest. What could possibly be more humiliating than being forced out to the center of a parquet dance floor while a wedding DJ advertises your lack of a boyfriend and then being expected to further demonstrate your desperation by diving for flying flowers? Wait…. Yup, we can top that. How about grasping in the air for a lacy piece of undergarment that until moments ago resided uncomfortably close to the crotch of your buddy’s wife? At any other point in time, that would make you a total perv, so why is it acceptable at a wedding? Well, hold on to your scruples boys and girls, because the history behind these customs is downright dirty.

It used to be that after the bride and groom said, “I do,” they were to go immediately into a nearby room and “close the deal” and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride’s dress as it was ripped from her body. Sometimes the greedy guests helped get the process going by grabbing at the bride’s dress as she walked by, hoping for a few threads of good fortune. In time, it seems, people realized that this was all a bit, well… creepy, and it was decided that for modesty’s sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride’s undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, get ‘er done.

I have almost zero funny comments for this – because I don’t want to encourage ANYONE in thinking that I doing this. I can’t even watch the nudey scenes on True Blood. No one is getting a good look at my skivvies.

As for that bouquet – for all of the three weddings I attended before I got engaged, I participated in zero of the bouquet tosses. Mainly because I didn’t want that curse vexed upon my house – marriage, yulch!! However, maybe I can do the bouquet toss and we can toss something else personal of mine in lieu of a garter. Like a hair elastic covered in my sheddings.

 

 

It just does not get any less funny than this

Famous people I plan to invite to le wedding

Weddings are about dreams. So shoot for the stars, right? Right.

Here is a list of famous people I am inviting to our wedding.

1. Barack and Michelle Obama

Der. He’s the Prez and she’s as influential in fashion and style as Jackie O was/is. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious and if and when they come, it’ll give our guests a chance to ask Barack why he’s not tweeting or fubooking as much as he used to.

Who I’d seat them with: The Woods Family table. Der. Big Mike would talk basketball with Barack and Grandma Porter would explain to Michelle how she doesn’t paint her walls beige.

2. Tom Hanks and Rite Wilson

I’ve never been to a party with either of them, per say, but I’ll wager a guess that they are a RIOT. He’s funny and charming and after so many years, she’s got her straightman act down to a science.

Who’d I’d seat them with: Fast Eddy William’s cronies. Tom would goad them into politics and they could argue oil. I’m assuming Tom’s a democrat and an environmentalist and although le wedding is not a political forum, it can’t hurt to have some lively conversation.

3. Ted Dansen and Mary Steenburgen

Did you not see them on that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm at his birthday party? So out going, so personable. They are probably good at introducing themselves around. They don’t need to be baby sat.

Who I’d seat them with: My hipster/theatre friends. They would appreciate the humour and ask Ted and Mary if they wanted to jam after the reception.

4. Woody Allen and Diane Keaton (because this list is obviously a DREAM, we’re also going to time travel back to when they were a couple.)

Can you even imagine what a conversation with Woody Allen would be like? All I would be able to do is focus on giving answers that keep the conversation going. Diane would add some laughs and probably peace out from Woody to help organize the wedding party pictures.

Who I’d seat them with: Lowell’s parents. Grace LOVES New York and LOVES jazz, especially. Woody played the clarinet in a jazz band for years, every Monday night. That’s why he could never attend the Oscars.

5. Steve Martin and Anne Stringfield

Um. This probably the most OBVIOUS invite on the list for many reasons with many layers. He is my all time celebrity crush. He was epic in the movie Father of the Bride. Tom Hanks was AT Steve Martin’s wedding and you know what they say – if you invite one couple of a social circle, you have to invite them all. He would give a banjo performance as a gift.

Who I’d seat them with: Me at the head table. Move over, Lowell.

B List (when our A list declines and seats open up)

6. Ellen and Portia de Rossi

Ellen is hilarious and has an awkwardness that rivals only mine perhaps. AND she LOVES to dance. Who who who could resist the dance floor when Ellen is out there bustin’ a move?!?

7. Jenn Aniston + 1

Give her a shot at any of the single guys we know.

8. George Clooney and that chick

Hello handsome

9. Matt Damon and his wifey

Well hello again! Matt Damon and George Clooney together = bromanitic.

10. Heidi Klum and Seal

Maybe they would dress up like they do for Halloween. I like that she loves to be a nerd and feels best when she’s at her nerdiest and Seal loves her all the time. Just like the Cpt. and me.

Not to FREAK out or anything

But I may or may not be featured in a post about 25 Budget Friendly DIY Wedding Projects. JUST SAYIN.

Austin, Texas rurves me :) You have to scroll down about mmm half way down the page. And look for the coffee filter garlands. YES!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1xOyhF/www.austinweddingblog.com/2010/08/25-diy-wedding-projects-that-wont-break.html

Superstitions 3: Sorry guys. And sorry girls.

Post no. 3 from Jenn Grabenstetter’s amazering article on wedding traditions.
Jenn sez (this is long but funny :) …

The Wedding Party
Talk about your runaway brides—the original duty of a “Best Man” was to serve as armed backup for the groom in case he had to resort to kidnapping his intended bride away from disapproving parents. The “best” part of that title refers to his skill with a sword, should the need arise. (You wouldn’t want to take the “just okay” member of your weapon-wielding posse with you to steal yourself a wife, would you?)
The best man stands guard next to the groom right up through the exchange of vows (and later, outside the newlyweds’ bedroom door), just in case anyone should attack or if a non-acquiescent bride should try to make a run for it. It’s said that feisty groups like the Huns, Goths and Visigoths took so many brides by force that they kept a cache of weapons stored beneath the floorboards of churches for convenience. Modern-day best men are more likely to store an emergency six-pack at the ceremony for convenience, but the title remains an apt one.
Ladies—believe it or not, the concept of the bridesmaid’s gown was not invented to inflict painful dowdiness upon the bride’s friends and female relatives thus making the bride look hotter by comparison. Historically, that dress you’ll never wear again was actually selected with the purpose of tricking the eye of evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers (spicy!). Brides’ faithful attendants were instructed to wear a dress similar to that of the bride so that during their group stroll to the church it would be hard for any ill-willed spirits or former boy-toys to spot the bride and curse/kidnap/throw rocks at her. (Ditto for the boys in matching penguin suits, saving the groom from a similar fate.) Memo to the Maid of Honor: if you think organizing a themed shower complete with quiche, cupcakes and creative uses of toilet paper as a game is a tough gig, imagine this: MoH’s of old used to be responsible for making nearly all of the wedding decorations and putting them up herself.

I can just see Morgo, Lowell’s bestiebestiebestie man karate chopping to fight off the ninja magpie’s that are sure to invade our outdoor wedding in Cochrane. I wonder what weapons he would hide? I can see Morgo hiding … a camera flash pack (to blind the birds), a kayak paddle (to swat the birds) and an excel spreadsheet to organize them to death. *sigh of relief*

As for my bridal party - you will each be assigned an ex-boyfriend to do voodoo dances on (please learn steps from video below) / use a wigi board to curse / learn some Pentecostal chants to ward them off. We can either do two things – doll them out chronologically as to when I dated them vs. how long I have known you OR we can pull names from a hat. We will talk about it later.

Toast this, puppy.

DISCLOSURE – I do not for a single instance believe that any of our guests who have graciously agreed to speak at our weddings are going to lose control like is mentioned in this post. Nor do I think of any of them as puppies. This is for humour’s sake.

The Cpt has been the Best Man in two weddings – that means he has successfully made two wonderful, tender, funny speeches to crowds of over 50. He has also been MC once, maybe twice. You hear about those people who ROAST the shiz out of people at their wedding. What is it exactly that happens to people that they think a wedding is the appropriate time to sound off?

Is a microphone at a wedding like a puppy who gets off his leash? Let's see.

You start off, everything is going fine. It’s a nice day, sunny and warm. Happy people everywhere. Then drinks are served and you think – oh my gosh this IS fun! The puppy on the walk thinks I RURVE this walk!! Dinner is served, puppy heads to the park. Other puppies and people running over to say hello. The fresh air / alcohol is making you giddy – today is so great, isn’t it?? Isn’t it? Ya, you know what – it IS.

You hear something unexpected, your name is called– the puppy shook a funny way. Suddenly, you’ve lost your voice - the leash is limp. Puppy freezes – staring at you. You freeze – staring at the crowd. Puppy realized what the hell is happening – that's freedom he smells. You look at the mic, take another sip and the freedom our forefathers fought for is suddenly yours to embrace but not by choice. Everyone is attentive, waiting for you to begin – you have to chase the puppy.

If you are lucky – you can grab the puppy right away, while it’s frozen in disbelief and delight. Look at your notes, get on track and you'll be fine. But what if that last sip was one sip too many. If you hesitate just a moment too long to grab the puppy… well. Godspeed. You’re the dingdong sprinting around the park, through people backyards, praying that cars stop. You’re the one who’s reciting the names of all the ex’s, what it was like when you two were in the Navy/waitresses at Hooters.

It’s too late now – you have lost all control of this situation. All of it. Your neighbours are staring, the crowd is staring. Your puppy thinks it’s a game – every time you try and grab him, he tries to wrestle and gets away. Again. You keep telling jokes, trying to shake up the crowd a little, loosen them up. Please. You want to just call the cops – please help me catch my dog. Please MC – throw me a LIFEVEST already. Cut the mic, cue the music, anything.

You don’t know how but it has been twenty minutes. You’re exhausted. You’re finally realizing how ridiculous you look. You’re forever known as the neighbour who can’t keep his puppy in the yard.

Bad Wedding Toasts from the New York Post

I invented it: Solar Powered Centre Pieces

Centre pieces. To a lot of people, they are the signature piece to a wedding. The centre pieces represent, obviously, the theme of your wedding. But they also represent a lot about the couple – simple and elegant, innovative and unique, fun and flamboyant . Centre pieces are not make or break but they are the statement piece of your wedding.
I love the mason jars – I love the twine. Of course – I love the coffee filters. I also like mood lighting. So how how how can I bring it all together. This – is what I came up with.
It’s a solar powered centre piece piece.
Tools:

• Mason jar (with lid)
• Solar powered lawn light
• 2 – 3 tea dyed coffee filters
• Twine, ribbon, washi tape, lacey tape – something to secure things
• Scissors
• Glue gun (with glue)

Step 1
Take apart your lawn light. It’s not so bad – I even unscrewed the thing to see how it works. The solar panel transfer the light to a rechargeable battery which holds the charge. Der, I knew that. 






Step 2 
Take the top part of the light, which has the panel and the bulb and place it on the top of the mason jar, sans lid. Just see how it sits. If it is smaller than the jar, that can always be fixed but making the inside of the jar a bit of a snugger fit – using hot glue, attach some some craft foam to make the mouth more narrow and get a perfect fit. 








Step 3

Take the lid of your mason jar and centre it on your coffee filter. Put hot glue around the raised edges of the lid and glue it to the coffee filter.

               

Step 4

The lid now serves as the lid to sit on top of the solar powered panel. Take some of your tape/ribbon/whatev to secure around the sides. Why? To create a shell to fit around the solar powered case so it sits all pretty and reasonably securely.

           

Step 5

Charge that puppy.

*Note: in this photo, I have a second skirt that is secured to the base of the solar powered case. I decided that this step is not necessary… at all. So you will place it under a lamp/in the sun without the lid/skirt so that the panel collects charge. Then, when you are ready to party, secure your shelll. Because it will block out the external light, the solar powered bulb will kick it and *hopefully* give a nice lil glow.

This little nub is what seems to activate the bulb. Or it is the power level reader but  every time I put my finger over it, the light came on… so…

La Fin! So the bulb from this particular lawn lamp was blue (obv) and I would not use blue for this project if I was to use it for my actual wedding. I would use a yellow bulb for a nice warm glow. I would also use a larger/stronger bulb if possible (and I’m sure it’s possible but probs a bit more pricey) because with this small a blub, it does not give off a lot of light.

Using the mason jar is really neat because it gives off a pattern on the surface that the light is sitting on, like in the photo on the left, below. The pattern on that particular mason jar is like apples on a vine or something. To get that strong a pattern, I had to lock myself in the bathroom. The photo on the right is a more accurate indication of the amount of light you’ll get from that bulb. Not enough, almost pointless.

So – for next time – strong bulb and yellow in colour. I really like that they are solar powered – I think it is neat. But I also think that I could probably just glue some votive lights upside down on the lid of the mason jar. However, I need to find a way to rig it so I can turn them on even though the bottom is glued to a lid. I have some time.

MWUAH!

         

Example of a yellow bulb (but still a very low wattage LED bulb). This is with a votive candle glued to the top of the lid. Still makes the neat design on the table and I like the warmer glow a lot more – but it needs more kick!