eff bomb crafting: lacey, burlap lavender bags part une

That’s right – part une. There’s probably going to be a part deux, maybe even a part tois. We’ll see how bad I bung up the next set of steps.

Can I just say that I wrote this entire post, it was hilarious and amazing and so full of the ginger-vinegar you expect from me and then it deleted itself. THANKS PC. There are sometimes I truly regret that I’m a PC, a Mac would never do that to me. Ballz. So I’m eating a cheese sandwich and I’m going to try and recreate my post.

Lately, I’ve been big on bright ideas, big on whipping out my credit card to buy the supplies and low low low on actually doing the crafts and even lower on blogging about them. I know exactly what my problem is – it’s that summer TV is so good. True Blood, Game of Thrones, Ice love Coco, Big Brother, The Challenge. Please. Why go outside – ever?

One of my big bright ideas was to walk down the aisle to the scent of lavender. Amazing, romantic non? Such a beautiful idea. Why lavender? Why not. No, I have no connection to lavender. We didn’t grow it in my backyard growing up, I don’t wear a spring of it around my neck and I don’t carry a vat of lavender hand cream around in my purse at all times. But it’s got a pretty smell so sure. AND it also means this apparently “Used for peace, meditation, forgiveness, poetry, in dreaming magical and to invoke Spirit when in the process of charitable work.” Obv a perfect match. I’m going to put the lavender in small burlap bags and instead of an aisle runner, I’m going to line the aisle with the bags and voila! I’ll be walking towards Williams-hood to the scent of lavender. Byyyyyyye fun life… the scent of lavender will always remind me how much fun Single Alix was.

Tools:

• Burlaps bags, about 6’’ x 4’’. I bought 100 of them for $40 off of ULine.
• A cardstock doily to use as a template
• Paint in your wedding colours, as well as a tan paint colour that matches the bags
• Sponge brush
• Regular paint brushes
• A nearby park

Step 1 – Take your cardstock doily and cut out a corner to use as a template for your bag.

Step 2 - Find a park you love. I actually spent two hours in the park a block down the street doing this craft, which is a miracle. It’s also a miracle I didn’t get myself completely set up and ready to craft and then realize I forgot a critical piece and have to pack up and go back home and get the one stupid piece. This whole craft is a walking miracle.

Step 3 – Take your sponge brush and paint the white thread to match the bags. It doesn’t have to be an absolutely perfect match (I recognize that fact meow) it just has to take away the harsh contrast between the burlap and the thread.

Step 4 – Line up your doily template at the edge of the bag, dip your sponge brush in paint and start dabbing! Tappa tappa tappa.

Oh look. It looks terrible. Well, maybe on a second look, not completely terrible but NOT how I pictured it in my mind.

What’s new, pussycat? Kill me.

So here’s a few things to add to your Tools list

• lace, about an inch wide. I bought 10 metres for $12 from Fabricland
• your trusty, rusty hot glue gun. It's only $12 lace, it's probably made of a fine plastic.

Step 5 – Cut the lace the length of one side of the side of the bag. Grab some glue and glue it on!

TA DA!!!!! Now that looks way more like what I pictured in my mind – again, this craft is a miracle.

Here is the next step I tried to take – monogramming the bags by hand. Let’s review, shall we?

Monogramming. I’m an idiot. Cursive monogramming.

On a burlap bag. Which is basically a bunch of fibres i.e. HAIRS that get stuck to everything and the surface is muchos rough so hard to make cursive look dainty.

By hand. No stencil. Oy. Basically this is just another example of my sense of conviction – I honestly think and assume I can do anything and everything. But I also learn very quickly what I can’t do. DON’T TOUCH THE BURNER, IT’S HOT. Right – got it.

Part Deux is comin’ your way. Soon. This weekend is shower weekend / Calgs stagette weekend. SHIP & ANCHOR SATURDAY NUIT. Get there. I’ll be the lush in the corner. The Cpt will be the freak on the other side of the bar with night vision goggles starring at the group of hot chickitas. Lord.

well eff my life: the invitations addition

okay – once again I’m apologizing for being gone so long. I’m just going to stop apologizing – I’m around when I’m around. Find me much much more regularly on Calgary Bride, ok?

What have I been up to? Besides an amazing, unbelievable stagette in Whitefish – by the way, I HIGHLY recommend Whitefish. Cheap flats, cheap eats, cheap booze and a lake. What more do you need? Only five hours drive, you also get the chance to shop at Target, duty free and well, Target. You win, Whitefish.

Me, Leah, Andrea, Sarah, Jessica and Julie saddle up in the suburban and head for Whitefish last weekend.

So I’m sure you’ve heard me complaining on my OTHER blogs that my invites are – late. They are late. They should have been in the mail about 3 weeks ago. Instead, I got them in the mail on Friday. I think it’s going to be ok – I sent a Save the Date, and if it weren’t for the back log from the mail strike, I honestly wouldn’t care at all. But the mail is still clogged up, things are taking longer than normal and not only am I late getting them out, it’s only obvious that people will be late returning RSVP’s. What does that mean? All it means is I’m going to have to get on the phone after August 19 and so some follow up phone calls.

So my invitations arrive and I love them – I love everything about them. They match perfectly with our Save the Date. The Cpt loves the elements of masculinity, he doesn’t feel like they’re too prissy. They have all the sass and TGIF elements that we wanted.

One of The Cpt and I’s – well – charms is that we think we are so funny. So so so funny. And by we, I mean me. I think I am so funny. And occasionally, that comes to bite me in the ass. Like this. 

That’s right. In my own hilarity, I thought if I wrote this on the RSVP card, it would be HILARIOUS. That EVERYONE would think it was as FUNNY as I did. I also meant to have a winky face – not a sad face – at the end of the sentence. But I got a little lost and couldn’t quite see the forest through the trees and asked for a sad face and didn’t catch how AWFUL and RUDE that is. And meow – I am bright red in the face, I feel like an asshole and I ended up writing “just kidding!” below it, on every single invitation. The Cpt tried to make me feel better by telling me that the little note adds a personal touch the invitation. Shut it, Cpt. Shut it. My personal touch was supposed to be the personalized stamps I ordered for the envelopes and RSVP cards.

So – for everything you’ve done in planning your wedding that you’ve been unsure about – know that nothing you do is as tacky as this. Yay me.

I’ll post more photos of my invites when more people receive them. Something should be a surprise, if not how unfunny I am.